Ready for Re generation

in my own space bubble ... Up with the shift workers or those who have to travel a bit to work ... How disjointed is life in this country ...  More time with colleagues than any one else at times ... all in a journey bubble ... To get to spend more time with those we do not choose ... to those that we do ... Little wonder we did not get the support ...  

I am having plenty of time with and in removing the past .... to think long and hard to what and where to spend my precious time on now ... When this part is finally concluded ... 

Much has been said post death ...

About this abode ... Especially as it went to furniture land ... The ideas I first had and then yet more demands on my time with clearing another home which was known ... but not thought about ... It all went by the way ...

I will probably not get the items out in the relevant rooms now? 

It is never not understood ... I have had so much said ... The home did not reflect my personality ... Post hoarding and life continued  ... And it made me look like the hoarder ... Not the kin of an hoarder ... And the lack of care and attention was too late and never continued with the remnants that did not die with my husband ... It has continued to this day and as time moves on so do the people .. The memories along with it 

Daughter finds that and much more frustrating too ... It hurts her to think so much is being said about her Mum ... It did bother her ... The family have supported her in this especially our cousin when my immediate family were with Dad for his intensive treatment at the time of the news and reverberations of the death of their son in law ...  that added more stress to my late Dad who was frustrated to be so unwell at the time himself ... 

The Empty Slots on the shelves ... The Wrong Cases ...

Our music collection restoring the home with the melodies and ambiance that daughter remembers so much of ... 

beyond the norm of a messy home that can be in the diverse way we each live. For me seeing some semblance of order restored in just this shared love of life with my selected partner that was in our music, is soothing ... The muddled music and still aspects missing. There are some now back in those allotted spaces on the CD shelves ... to ease of selecting what the mood takes us as was once in this home. Yet more CDs are now imported into the modern way of collecting ... too ...

The decisions yet more to come ... which to go  ... which to stay ... all have a story behind each piece, whether given as a gift ... purchased anyway, or at the venues visited, won or given ... as with life ...  a story personal to us ... 

A time stood still for no more were purchased during the time it went silent here. 

One of the first things from my sister on restoring this silence; was to import a chosen selection of music personal to me and transferred it all ready on a brand new MP3 for me to listen to ... in the immediate time after. A very thoughtful sister ...

More Cabinets, Cupboards, CDs and Clocks Too ...

continuing on from the start of some serious spring cleaning. It has finally appeared in this home again after a few years of grief, following on from the time it ceased in this home for a while. 

I have been up on top, in and out of these areas pulling out what I will not likely to use again and packing up the trolley. You cannot waste time with selling in the various outlets because of the volume. or the continued help my husband was finally getting before he died ... which was not helpful when that did not continue to help the KIN !!!!  ... he died and was removed in a body bag ... The clutter did not go anywhere ... this was always overlooked ... it was always just about one ... which is an interesting point ...

There is no company who assists you in this process either ... 

You have to pay them for the clearance and then they make more money ... on it ... I will do this though with the help ... when I get to the bigger items for removal ... I can only do so much on my own ... I also enjoy the privacy finally of going through the belongings that are left ... for a while anyway ... 

The movement finally in the removal of items and walking to the charity shops and being able to spring clean means my weight gain is reversing ...  I do not miss the car ... not interested in boot fairs now ... My mind is too, preoccupied to drive safely ... and there is more than that as to why I am not currently driving ... 

Care, Continuity, and Communication, along with the recession ... lack of due care and attention, not using the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the many delays, training and holidays staff need to have ... all contributed to this death ... and the build up of that fateful timeline in my husbands life to the end ...  

A Varied Time

in this clime 

going back and forth 

to and froing

all that throwing

tossing and recycling 

getting order from disorder

illogical back to logical 

facing again those fears 

the laughter and tears

pulling the furniture out

cleaning with some clout

putting paint to brush 

to lessen the rush 

of the emotional drain 

and those silent tears of rain  

My Decor Efforts ...

Restoring a damaged table top 

Close up of the top 

to bring some order back in the home to remind me of what can be achieved from the disorder and muddle this one became ...

I was very tired from some of the clearing from the day before and to keep a routine going, I used what paint samples I had from the first year trying to get through the grief and all that was inside and out of my life at that time, before my hand was out of action for a while, when I injured my thumb and needing it stitched back together .... the nail removed and I had fractured it as well ...and then things continued to steadily get worse for a while in my adjustment period ... ultimately leading to the passing of my father 21 months after my husband too had passed on ...

Triggers and Memories Stirred ...

... I did digress a bit back to some more clothes ... 

I found something special from a time when I first tried to find a style. This is from the early days when the muddle was still happening in the unstructured assistance. It was more than anyone imagined ... even with experience of others in other homes by some involved ... I was still not interested in what was worn ... this month is as good as any to wear on special times ... after PS, I Love you times too ... which are very much still happening ... 

The amount that can get stuffed in the recesses of a home ... even after a mass clear ... And what they did not think of either ... but that is entirely another story ... and not one I can tell without personal distress ... to those others involved ... 

I can tell our story with husbands and daughters blessing for we know very much who we are ...

A Timely Challenge ...

see if my methods in madness works ... I have had many thoughts in this ... The next few days will see if some research in finding homes for things no longer generally wanted ... will land, in the landfill or not ... ? 

In the meantime tidy as I go ... to not be overwhelmed is the task over this time too ... and keep at it ... especially when I go round in circles or get side tracked ...

The home is giving up what I knew from the outset ...

of the mass clearance of a once cluttered home ... back to the functions of the rooms ... that this would finally give up a home where time has stood still ...

Where the normal movement of life did not happen for a while. I have been taken to a time usually gone by now. The continuing seasons of time which changes the home gradually ... except for those like ours. 

That is quite daunting in itself. And more so when a life is lost here with that time too ...