The stillness continues

in the bound and bind of tattered times, 

And there are new happy memories

Our first Christmas without a son, husband and Daddy .. getting on with new times... new technology across the generations .... playing games on an electronic pad ...    

The still

and the belief back in remnants of what still is in accomplishing outside of the box. The in adjustment of disturbing the time in dust. It is on hold a while. I was struggling indirectly from the mishap last week. I will have the much valued time away to come back in vengeance to. The days away less than of late. 

I already have the end game in room plans. The decor and how it can be ... the task now in getting there. A lot sooner rather than later. I have surveyed already what will be quick and slow to disperse. The focus I didn't have most of it originally. The let go started in ernest in a room difficult last week 

All the while gaining knowledge, confidence and wisdom in many diversions of thought in the demographics on a hospital ward in very small doses ... 

A stop off from the mixture of life a moment....

The remedies in the scars left here  ... the best way forward and all that ... The shite left for me in others ways. The one prominent life style change out of all this in my innermost thoughts. The ToDo here on in. It is interesting indeed that the way each and everyone views upon stopping by in  this boiling pot of anger. The rainbow of those emotions in here, stirred raw in bereft ... 

.... the sunnier lift in spirit... now in the focus ... 

Though each day now the shift in tide that too ebbs and flows inside a room behind a door ....  The Gas upgrade kitchen boxes I never put back. A cousin cleared the space into the back bedroom .... I will no doubt get reunited with the replacement stuff I have made do without ... I can see them boxes now in a space to wade.

The whirlwind swirl of items given to replace, the stuff told to rescue of value in the designated clear back from temporarary ... The home of another .... and then the last room items when another Death came to clear those belonging too. This in with the muddle of establishing life, then the home of another cluttered kin and a Dad to rush to during various cancer treatments 

... All added to the muddle of a life turned out of recognition... 

Thy letterbox

is now fruitless ... thankful that the past week of tipped turmoil only two items dropped through. The mininmal in paperwork now happened as intended .. The postal mail service shots still bothersome .... those straight in recycle ... the kiddies stuff from the year of teaching training dwindling off ... 

Online as was the intention of the boffins working for thy at last! 

The surreal in a still

of a day where I thought it will be a little more of a flurry with a daughter talking non stop on arriving here. 

Though from the progress in a room to clear it again for the space to get to the space needed to restore the rooms instead. Could be seen from afar. 

I went out to get the forgotten shopping from yesterday. I still did not get everything... my mind back in the past. 

Another trip out tomorrow, and maybe have some time to make a start on the plans. The plans made to adjust the overdue complexity here in a room. A mish mash of muddle from the forgotten items back into a home. Another home cleared and those little bits like photos and family history documentation. A sewing table too that was in residence of home for seniors, to make it more homely. This I remember was in the front room of my mother in laws Mums front room in her home in Dartford... 

It will now soon be in a front room of a great grand kid. 

And the stuff chucked from spreading out and had to dash to be at many a bedside of Dad in a season into season of non stop interwoven time in clearing my home, another home and being at the bedside. And chasing up the promised gas boiler upgrade. And continuity of much else still to this day ... a slap in the face! 

And my own tattered routines in restoration in all that muddling mishaps.. I had no time to myself to think clearly, let alone adjust to much in that early time. 

A day not to be

this day was in part listening to a daughter chatting non stop on arriving for some time together The non stop talking happened last night into the night instead!  ... 

It gives me a bit of reprieve ... I find everything so mentally draining in the complexes still echoing from that too overwhelming set of circumstances 

The hope so

maybe and definitely... the infinite rituals to escape the millstone baggage. I believe where the strengths lies will come answers. And that some original thoughts in this time more likely to come to fruition than ever thought possible initially 

The logic in the recesses

the longing to have that life once in a room allocated for its need ...

The bathroom and mostly a kitchen apart from the larder, coming together already. The await of a certain room to disperse on that unnecessary. That each room will have a chair to go and spend time in to air and regain its use. ... and the bedroom a haven to sleep in again...

A long time coming back ... the wonder in will I use each area or not in its function or continually use the way it came ... to be in this half and half process currently..

A logic still not fully put in words ... The denial part of accepting life, Where once a daughter said... "I'd rather Daddy was here with the mess, than Daddy not here in the space!"